I now announce you, Man and Wife
by Death's little side kick
Summary: Heero and Duo are getting married! What the hell! Since this is a NON-YAOI story, it makes it even more interesting as to why, they are getting hitched.
1. Default Chapter

Raven: YAAAAAAAY!!!! Only four more exams to go! Then I'm free, okay you must be thinking if my exams are here why aren't I studying, well it so happens that this is a VERY good idea, so im typing it down before it vanishes. 

Disclaimer: READ MY BIO, DISCLAIMER IS WRITTEN THERE!!

Prelude:

"Duo! Don't eat too much ice cream" Quatre said like a worried mother.

"Oh shut up Winner and let the ice-cream deprived boy be happy" Wufei said with a smile. It had been quite a while since he came up with a good plan, and this was probably the best ever. It was a cold windy night and they were forcing Duo to eat bowls upon bowls of Ice-cream, then he would lock him in the cold attic with a blanket, the next morning, with the grace of God and night long of prayers, he will get sick, and when Duo gets sick, he talks VERYYYY little. All that ice-cream just to shut him up.

**I now pronounce you, Husband and Wife**

****

**NEXT MORNING**

"Ohh! I don't feel so good" Duo said in a barely audible voice getting up in the attic, which was frozen, his nose was blue and he was shivering. Meanwhile…

"OHH! I feel so good this morning" Wufei said getting up happily, skipping while he was going to free the poor frozen Duo. 

"Wufei!" Duo squeaked "I don't feel good"

"And you don't smell good either" Wufei said, "Go take a bath; it'll 'cool' you down"

It was a regular day like any other day at the Winner's mansion, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, Quatre was smiling; Wufei was sharpening, with the perfect soldier scowling, Trowa Barton lounging, and Duo Maxwell bathing with a terrible cold. 

'Man this is boring' Duo thought to himself in the bathroom under the water, 'I mean come on, the same old water, same old everything, my head hurts and my nose is closed, and my ears are plugged, I need to cheer up' he thought to himself with devious smirk.

All was peaceful and calm until the god of death decided to entertain himself by playing a song on his stereo (which had woofers). But entertainment was not only the main objective of Duo Maxwell, Nooooooo! He did the thing he most enjoys doing, annoying people. Quickly thinking of a nice song everyone enjoys, especially Heero, he slipped in a CD playing 'Hero' (Enrique) Duo turned the volume up, very up. So that he could hear the music.

"WOULD YOU DANCE, IF I ASKED YOU TO DANCE, WOULD RUN, AND NEVER LOOK BACK"

Outside the reactions were worth while watching, Quatre was the one who discovered this song and for a change HE decided to bug Heero with it. Anyway, Quatre was drinking tea and sitting on the couch with Trowa who was reading a book, when he, or rather everyone heard the song coming from the room of Duo Maxwell, he chocked, and spit the tea out, yes! All onto Trowa who just sat there   T____T! Wufei just snickered, and his grin got bigger and bigger as Heero got redder and redder when Duo continued on with the song.

"I CAN BE YOUR HERO BABY, I CAN KISS AWAY THE PAIN"

"I WILL STAND BY YOU FOR EVER, YOU CAN TAKE MY BREATHE AWAY" 

Duo sang along in his awful voice, but it seemed to hit the spot as someone downstairs was about to take somebody's breathe away, NO! Not in a romantic way, by strangling. 

Suddenly the song stopped, silence prevailed, but Quatre was about to explode, so was Heero, 

"Well don't just sit there giggling like ninny's, go ahead before I change my mind" Heero said in fury only to be interrupted by Quatre's giggles, which dissolved into laughter with the rest of the boys. Heero meanwhile clenched his fist and made a mental note to get rid of this pest known as Duo Maxwell. Meanwhile this pest known as Duo Maxwell was laughing so hard in the bathroom that he was chocking on the sink on the second floor.

Then came the knock that changed the history of A.C 197 forever. Or maybe the G-boys history.

_Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!_

A VERY irritate Hero, sorry I mean, Heero got up, opening the door, or rather nearly ripping it apart he answered it with his standard welcome Death glare©  

"Yeah! What do you want?" He snapped. Four big guys nearly 6ft and 5inches in black suit looked around to see who spoke.

"HEY! DOWN HERE" Heero yelled, the four very big guys looked down at him as if he were an ant. It bothered Heero a lot, who was suddenly feeling small. 

"Are you Heero Yuy!" One of them asked.

"Yeah!" 

"FBI! You're an illegal citizen without a nationality, I'm sorry but we'll have to deport you" The guy said holding out his badge in front of Heero who looked shocked. Then said "Damn it" 

FLASHBACK

Dr J was telling Heero last minute advises.

"Heero, remember to get a nationality wherever you decide to stay, otherwise the intelligence wipes you out an ant out of the country, if you stay there for more than a year" Dr.J said. Unfortunately, Heero didn't pay much attention to him, as he was well aware that he was going to die, but he did get the nationality for America. Hew very well remembers the office where he got it from, 

(A/N: I don't know where you get the nationality from; this is made up stuff okay)

The lady refused to give him his nationality that was until she met his gun. She was more than happy to give it to Heero.

FLASHBACK ENDS 

"You have one week to get out" With that said the four big guys left in a limo leaving a still shocked Heero behind. Quatre had come up and listened to what he had said. 

"Heero" He began, "You okay"

Meanwhile Heero thought of all the opportunities he could get with going away! But then this was an insult, he was a citizen, legal citizen. Sighing and deciding that it would hurt his pride to go away, he decided to stay. But how could he, he wanted to stay, well; he was too hungry to think now.

Heero had decided to go away then, but still kept wishing something would stop him. He loved all the ammunition and gun shops here. He was taking a stroll after Duo kept bugging him. He went to the office to see that cursed lady who gave him his nationality card, she had left after the day encountering Heero. Heero opened the door to see everything dark, as he reached to the switch to turn on the light a loud yell came...

"SURPRISE" all the other G-boys said. There was a banner saying, Farewell our good friend. 

"You guys actually want me to go" Heero said.

"NO! I tried everything to get you a nationality right now but the offices won't respond, I sent every kind of letters and everything saying you're legal but they just don't give a DAMN" Quatre yelled. Heero looked shocked, again, for the second time. 

Just then another knock came. It was the four big guys again. 

"We are here to pick you up" One of them big dudes said.

"But you said one week" Heero replied.

"Yeah well, the authorities changed the date, your car awaits" he said pointing to wards the limo. 

"Okay well bye! Bye" He said to the guys picking up his suddenly packed stuff??????

Heero eagerly stepped out the door when Quatre got in his way

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" he yelled "He can't go"

"Why not???" The four guys and Heero asked in union

"Uhh…Well…" Quatre trailed off

"Because he's getting married" Trowa said.

"Oh yeah? To who"

Just then the squeaky voiced Duo came down with his hair open making him look like a girl.

"Wufei" He said in a rather girly voice, well it hurts while he talked so that's why he sounded like a girl "Have you seen my hair brush"

"To her" Trowa said pointing towards Duo. Who turned around and waved. Wufei grabbed Duo by the hair and dragged him into the kitchen, there he told him what to do, and that was to act like Heero's Girlfriend.

"OH HEERO HONEY!" Duo said in a shrilly voice coming over to Heero and hugging his arm, "HOW ARE YOU" he said, Heero looked nervous and blushed, 

"We're getting married on Saturday" Quatre said without thinking.

"Oh! Well congratulations" they turned to go away, and before closing the door they said "We'll be there"

Looks of horror appeared on Heero and Duo's face. Turning around to face the blonde with look of rage in their eyes, they shouted at him 

"QUATRE RABERBA WINNER, WHAT IN NINE HELLS WERE YOU THINKING!"

"Well! TROWA SAID YOU WERE GONNA GET MARRIED" Quatre yelled.

"TROWA BARTON" The three yelled in union.

Trowa just whistled. Receiving death glare's he said, "Okay! I got a plan, we'll get a fake priest, and with fake priest the marriage is not really a marriage right"

"Right" Heero and Duo said. 

"Then it's all settled" Trowa said.

"Yeah well why do I have to be the bride" Duo squeaked. They all gave him obvious glares. Heero just blushed.

"OH YEAH!    WELL WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING DRESS"     Duo yelled. The others grinned and grinned like the Cheshire cat. Heero fainted because of all the embarrassment followed by Duo next to him.

Raven: Okay! Will they go through the wedding, what will Duo wear, Will Heero survive all this.  Who are they gonna invite. Remember THIS IS NOT YAOI! NO NOTHING DISGUSTING OR UNMORAL!  


	2. Chappie 2

Raven: YEAHHH!!! EXAMS ARE OVER!!! I CAN BREATHE!!

J.A: Oh sure, inhale exhale!

Raven: Shut up!

Disclaimer: Written in my bio!

**I now pronounce you, Husband and Wife**

****

When Heero and Duo had come around, the G-boys settled around the round table, it was another one of those official meetings when they have to discuss something serious, and indeed this was something serious. Quatre was in the middle (if there is a middle) sitting, next to him was Wufei who was next to Trowa that left the couple to-be-married next to each other. How ever, the looks they wore said they wanted to be anywhere but next to each other.

"I now bring this meeting to order" Quatre said holding his beloved spatula and banging it on the table like a judge.

"Quatre this isn't necessary you know!" Trowa said.

"Yeah I know, but its fun!" Quatre said happily.

"Can we get on with this already?" Said a bored Duo, whose hair was now neatly braided, Heero looked forlorn. 

"Right! First where are we gonna get a fake priest?" Quatre said looking around.

This questions left the others thinking and they were thinking hard. 

"Well the only fake priest we know is Maxwell" Wufei said eyeing Duo who raised his single eyebrow "But the problem is he'll be rather 'busy' at the moment" he said smirking.

"Don't make fun of me!" Duo said calmly "Otherwise I will be forced to eradicate you" 

"Ohh! Someone learned a new word" Wufei said sounding impressed.

"Shut up you two" Heero snapped.

"How about Joe the butcher?" Trowa asked. The rest looked shocked, like this

Duo: (O_O)

Heero: (O_O)

Quatre: (O_O) 

Wufei: (-_-!)

Trowa: (^_^)

"Butcher??!!" Duo said uneasily.

"Yeah! Great guy, said he went to acting school once, was a great hit there, but moved to this town" Trowa said ignoring the glares and sweatdrops.

"Ok! We have a priest, now the dress" Wufei said, his grin getting wider.

"Maybe I could call my sisters…" Quatre began but was interrupted by a very angry Duo.

"NO! THIS MUST BE KEPT TO US ONLY" Duo yelled.

  "Duo! Don't forget were gonna have to invite people as well, so no use hiding it" Quatre said.

"Yeah Duo your stuck either way" Wufei said enjoying Duo's misery.

"I hate you people!" Duo said settling back into his chair.

"For the dress I'll call my sister's, and we've got to send out invitations, and register this 'wedding' somewhere, oh so much to do so little time" Quatre said, he looked up to see the guys staring at him as if he was an alien. 

"What?" Quatre said innocently (A/N: He's so cute)

Duo's lip quivered and he banged his head on the table, Heero twitched now and then, the other two just smiled like silly clowns. 

"What?!!" Quatre again asked confused.

"Quatre! You sound like as if it was your daughter getting married" Duo said.

"Well not my daughter but a comrade who needs help is getting married…" Quatre began but seeing Duo's eyes twitch he decided to shut up.

"Quatre please don't mention marriage when I'm around" Duo said restraining his anger. Heero just sat there, probably thinking that this was one thing he couldn't squirm out of.

 "I'm gonna go talk to Joe!" Trowa said.

"I will go reserve a place for the 'wedding'" Wufei said mocking Duo who death glared Wufei. But after living several years with the baka, Wufei was immune to death glares.

"I'm gonna go call my sisters!" Quatre announced

BANG!

 "This meeting is now dismissed" Quatre said holding in one hand the dented spatula.

The other's just glared at him.

"What?" Quatre again asked hugging the spatula.

"QUATRE!!" Trowa yelled "DON'T DO THAT" He said taking the spatula away from him and putting it on the highest shelf only where he could reach up to. Quatre pouted. After a while of silence…

"I'm gonna go and barf" Heero said, sounding a bit nauseated.

"I'm gonna go and sulk!" Duo said pouting and leaving the room as the others went to their respective places.  

Raven: Sorry for the short chapter! The 3rd is one the works! Please bear with me dear reader (and reviewer) Review and I will shower you with my blessings and another chapter. ^__________________________________________^


	3. The Wedding

Raven: Author notes aren't really necessary, so I'll just get on with the story! ^_^, but do tell me something, is it "I announce you man and wife" or "I now pronounce you Husband and wife"?????

**I now pronounce you, Husband and Wife**

**Chapter 3: The Wedding **

"Barton you off the phone yet?" Wufei said. 

"Joe says he'll be happy to be at the wedding and pose as the priest" Trowa said putting the receiver down.

"Wufei did you reserve the hall yet?" Quatre asked.

"No" Wufei replied.

"WHAT! THE WEDDING IS THIS SATURDAY, ARE YOU GONNA SNOOZE TILL THEN??!!" Quatre yelled. 

"Quatre, firstly, why are you stressed? This is not your child's wedding, and this is a fake wedding, secondly, your friend Barton was chatting with that butcher person for an hour" Wufei said. 

"Oh, I can't help it, I'm just excited" Quatre said scratching his blond head. Heero, who had just come out of the toilet, gave Quatre his fiercest death-glare, but Quatre showed no affect. He was just as happy as anything. Besides, Heero's death-glares were getting old fashioned. 

"Quatre the hall has been reserved for the 'lovely couple' as the receptionist said" Wufei stated smirking in the direction of Heero, who had just finished barfing. Boy was he feeling evil. 

"Okay," Quatre began "now I need to call up my sisters and…"

"WHAT??!!! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN CALLED THOSE ONNA'S YET, DO YOU KNOW THE WEDDING'S ON SATURDAY, ARE **YOU GONNA SNOOZE TILL THEN" Wufei yelled into Quatre ears who turned red with guilt. "EXPLAIN YOUR SELF YOUNG MAN?"**

"Well…I….umm" Quatre said twiddling his thumbs. The lecture continued for another 10 minutes on responsibility and not yelling at other people to get their work done without getting your work done first. Heero was still mad at Wufei and decided to get him back for his jokes. Maybe Duo would be happy for a little revenge.

*****

Duo was in his room, having horrible images of the wedding, the horrible phrase of 'what if this, what if that' comes into this, he was having a bad case what if's. In easy words, he was nervous, he was uneasy, he was uncomfortable, he was insecure, he was gonna kill the person who got him to take part in this idiotic idea. In fact, he was gonna kill the very first person who came into his room, he needed to get his stress out. Just then, innocent Heero barged into Duo's room to ask him whether he wanted to take revenge or not. He saw Duo in a corner hyper ventilating, for Duo, Heero was the last person he wanted to see, 

"YOU, YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL MY MISERIES, OMAE WO KOROSU" Duo yelled at Heero who looked extremely confused. 

"WHAT??!!!! Are you having your periods?" Heero said heatedly. This only added fire to the fuel, or fuel to the fire…whatever!

"KISSAAAMAAAAAA" Duo yelled as he launched himself at poor Heero. Duo punched him, pulled his hair and did everything to get his anger out. And for once, the perfect soldier was unable to get the God of Death off of him. But he wasn't gonna give up that easily, he fought back. Duo grabbed Heero by the collar and threw him on the bed. Heero hit his head on the pillow and picking up one he whacked Duo with it. 

"GRRRR!!  I AM GONNA MAKE YOU SORRY THAT YOU EVER DID THAT MORON" Duo growled.

"Ohhh! The girl pant is giving me a threat" Heero mocked. 

"YAHHHHHHH" Duo yelled picking up the fallen pillow and jumping on to the bed and hitting Heero. Heero knocked the pillow out of his hand making Duo lose his balance and falling on top of Heero. As luck would have it, Quatre and Wufei came in to see what was causing the commotion. They stood in the doorway shocked at the scenario. Heero and Duo!!? Together??! On a BED???!!! Damn it's making me blush! (The author)

((A/N: I am evil, oh yes, if you don't get the main idea up there, I am not explaining it))

"OHMYGOSHIMSOSORRYIDIDN'TKNOW!!" Quatre said blushing and running out. Wufei just smiled evilly and said:

"Oh my, looks like some people wanted to get on with **it** before the wedding" He said eyeing them. Heero and Duo exchanged looks and then turned to Wufei

"JOIN THE PARTY PAL" They said grabbing Wufei and then locking the door to commence operation pay-back. 

*****

Wufei came back later downstairs with colossal sized bruised and scratch marks on him, as well as messy and torn clothes, he passed Quatre who blushed furiously. Heero and Duo did a good job on torturing him. They came back downstairs with their clothes too disorganized. Poor Quatre was getting the wrong image of it all. 

"So Uhh" He asked uneasily "Did you guys have fun ^_^!" 

"Oh yeah" Both Heero and Duo replied. Quatre looked as if he was gonna die of embarrassment, all the blood in his body was on his face. He went on, to look in their rooms, seeing all the mess, it confirmed his fears and he fainted. 

******

Later at dinner, Quatre had decided to give Heero and Duo a talk about safe *ahem* s*x!!!!! He had completely misunderstood the whole situation. Calling the two to his study, he began his lecture. Heero and Duo blushed and stared gape-jawed at the blond. Finally when he finished, they two went out completely oblivious to what just they had heard. After all this was just Quatre, who was not to be taken seriously.  
                                                                                                                      ****** 

Quatre received the wedding dress from his sisters. He went to show it to Duo who literally felt like tearing it apart. What he saw was a lovely white gown, with frills and ribbons here and there. It was really pretty. But to put it on a boy was a shame. 

"Couldn't it be black?" Duo asked in a small voice. 

"Duo this is a wedding not a funeral" Trowa said. 

"Well this is a funeral!" Duo protested.

"And just how is it a funeral?" 

"It's my funeral as I'll die wearing that thing!!!" Duo exclaimed. 

"Shut up and just wear it" Heero said sipping his coffee. He just wanted to get over this whole stuff. Especially since Quatre was taking this too seriously. Yes, Heero was disturbed by last night's lecture when he started giving a wee bit more thought to it. 

"WAH!" Duo cried banging his head against the table. 

*******

_And the moment we've all been waiting for: SATURDAY_

It was 6:00 a.m, today was the day when the fake marriage would take place. And all the residents of the mansion were snoring loudly. That was until Quatre's mobile phone's alarm rang off 

"BRAAANNNNNNGGGGG" It screamed. Quatre just threw it in the bin. Realizing what he had done, he took it out, and saw that it was Saturday. 

"Just Saturday, that means more sleep" Quatre said going back to bed, hugging his pillow. Seconds later he sat up,

"Something wrong, I just know it, I must be forgetting something" He realized what was missing. He went downstairs to feed the cat, the birds, and then came upstairs to sleep again. 

6:45 a.m

"QUATRE, TODAY'S SATURDAY AND YOU DIDN'T WAKE US UP" Wufei yelled into the blond pilots ear. 

"So what about Saturday" He mumbled from under the covers.

"The wedding" Wufei said. 

"What wedding?" Quatre said. Wufei slapped his head. Grabbing Quatre's head, he banged it against the bedside table.

"OY MY GOSH, THE WEDDING" Quatre yelled. He got up and opened his closet to take out a megaphone; he then went into Duo's room and yelled

"WAKE UP TODAYS THE DAY" Duo jumped out of his bed, and held his head in his hands, he felt as if something just had clobbered him with a lead brick. Ditto with Heero. 

The guest had started to pour in at 8:00 am. Duo was in the room where the bride usually is, Quatre sister's helping him set his hair, they didn't know he was a male, so they started all kinds of girl talk, we should feel sorry for Duo here.

"My you have such lovely hair Diana!" One of his sisters said. They called him Dania because Quatre had told them it was 'her' name. Duo clenched his teeth. But at least someone appreciated his hair. And besides, being surrounded by all these lovely ladies wasn't such a big deal.

"Thank you" He replied in his most sweetest female voice. 

"You'll look lovely in this dress, especially since you have a perfect figure" She said. Duo just felt like dying. 

"Lord please deliver my lightening" He thought. 

"Well, I'm so happy for you, but here are a few tips that will help you after getting married" She said. Duo had a look of horror on his face when she said this; he had feared this would happen. It couldn't be good.

"First of all, don't worry you'll grow br**sts pretty soon before pregnancy, and be sure to have practice safe s*x" She began. Oh boy this was not good. 

((A/N: I'm sorry, but I feel embarrassed just writing all this, if my mom or sister found out that I wrote this stuff, I will be banned from writing future stories, so I'm censoring))

"Lectures later sister, we need to get her all ready, the ceremony starts in an hour" Another one of Quatre's sisters said. Duo sighed in relief. He looked at himself in the mirror, 

"Boy if I wasn't me, I'd go out with me" Duo thought, examining all sides.

*******

Outside, Heero wasn't feeling any better. He hated crowds, now here he was, dressed in black, in front of all these people, sweating like hell. Wufei was his best man, Quatre running here and there busy as ever. But what hurt Heero the most was that he wanted to be with Wing Zero, all alone in a non-crowd place. ^_^

The music started, the doors opened, Quatre was standing next to Duo, as someone had to accompany the bride up. 

"Hey Heero, look he's flirting with your wife" Wufei mumbled to a very shaky and white Heero. Why couldn't Duo be a real girl, it would have been easier. At least he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. 

*******

As Duo was coming up the aisle, he looked at Heero and he couldn't help thinking.

"He is looking pretty good in that suit" Realizing what he had just though about, he shook his head "Okay Duo Maxwell, get a grip, you are a male, a guy, you cannot think of such things, but oh man looking good, NAH don't think, don't think, don't think, what I am doing, I'm thinking about not thinking, SHUT UP"  Hr told himself, he almost tripped on his dress, but Quatre caught him. 

"You feel okay?" Quatre asked.

"Yeah" Duo replied. He hated when his brain's negative and positive sides fought, it made him feel dizzy. 

_On to the main part!!! _(A/n: I don't really know what the priest usually says, so if there is a mistake somewhere, tell me)

"Do you Diana Maxwell take Heero Yuy as you lawful wedded husband?" The priest asked. 

"I do" Duo said in a barely audible voice, his face all red.

"And do you Heero Yuy take Diana Maxwell as you lawful wedded wife?"

"I...Uhh...do" Heero replied nervously.  

"Then by the power of … (blah blah blah blah blah)….I now announce you man and wife" he said smiling. In the background we hear Quatre sniffing, the FBI guys also wiping tears, Quatre's sister's beaming happily. The music slowly started and Heero sighed a sigh of relief, it was all over

"You may kiss the bride" 

(All music goes crashing down the drain, screeches and crashes are heard) 

Duo and Heero had a look of horror on their faces. Kiss?!? They didn't know you had to kiss?!? And of all the things KISS?!?!?

Duo turned towards Heero and Heero towards Duo. He had seen it in movies, the man had to remove the veil form the brides face, and then KISS her. That was when Heero usually turned that TV off. But right now you couldn't turn anything off, could you. 

MENTAL COMMUNICATION: (through the use of facial expression)

Duo: Heero, if you kiss me, I'll kill you! (Frowning)

Heero: I don't wanna do it! (Getting pale)

Duo: DO SOMETHING (one eyebrow raised)

Heero: LIKE WHAT! (Both eyebrows raised)

(Both look towards Quatre)

Quatre: DO IT ALEADY, IT IS YOUR MISSION!!! (Grits his teeth)

Heero: Mission accepted (serious look)

Duo: NOOOOOO (Look of shock)

"Uhh, you may kiss the bride?" The priest repeated staring at the two. 

'Here it goes' Heero said, leaning forward, Quatre had his fingers crossed and was chewing on one hand, Trowa was wide eyed, Wufei fighting back laughter, as he took out a camcorder from nowhere and recorded the scene. Heero was dizzily rocking back and forth while preparing to kiss

'I will find a way to brain wash myself after this' Duo said, as he reluctantly leant forward. 'Any minute now' he thought.

THUD! CRASH!

 He opened his eyes to see Heero had fainted knocking over a vase. 

"Wow! When Heero falls in love he really falls" Trowa said to which the whole hall burst out laughing. Even Duo, he had to admit, it was pretty funny. 

******

_After the wedding_

"Gee Heero you should have seen your face" Trowa said, after all the guests had left. Quatre was bidding them goodbye, especially the FBI guys, who were sill laughing, they said that they would be sending in Heero's nationality card sometime this week, Wufei and Duo were getting along as they watched Heero fall down, in the camcorder. The priest had come to wish them well. Trowa went up to him and said thanks.

"No problem young man, it's all in a day's work" He replied.

"Uhh Joe, you can quit acting now" Trowa said sweat dropping. 

"I'm not Joe" He replied. Just then the door burst open and the REAL Joe came in. 

"Sorry I'm late pal" He said panting. 

"Uhh, you're the real priest?" Trowa asked.

"Why yes, that blond boy told me that your priest wasn't here and so you needed me" he said, and then he left. 

"Quatre! Do you realize that this is now a legal marriage" Duo said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah" Quatre said.

"Didn't you know that it was not supposed to be legal, Duo and Heero weren't really supposed to get married, they wee doing it so that Heero could stay here" Trowa said calmly. 

"Yeah, but Joe wasn't here, and since Heero and Duo had s*x, I thought they were really getting married" Quatre said looking innocent. 

(DUN! DUN! DUN! DUN!)

"You though we were GAY?!" Duo yelled. Trowa took Quatre aside and explained to him that day's incidents. What had REALLY happened! Quatre looked at the two sheepishly and said sorry. Heero had fainted again, Duo along with him. Wufei just stood there recording the whole scene. 

*******

Raven: IEE! I can't believe I actually wrote all that! Next chapter! WHAT WILL HAPPEN!!!????  
   
  



	4. The End!

Raven: IMPORATANT NOTE: If some people misunderstood like Quatre about the whole room incident, Heero and Duo are not gay, they were just beating Wufei up in the room as pay-back (team work you know) And Quatre saw the two all messy and emerging out from the room so he thought that they…..you get the point! And so Rayo, don't worry, they are not gay, and about HYxRP, well I don't write romance, this isn't a romance fic, and so no couples. Besides, this is the last chapter.

J.A: WHAT??! AND I WAS BEGINNING TO ENJOY THIS STORY!!!

**I now pronounce you, Husband and Wife**

**********

The G-boys and the newly married couple got home, the happy couple (Insert ironic laugh) was very unhappy, indeed they were extremely mad at an adorable wide eyed blond Arabian. 

"BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!" Quatre protested.

"IT WAS YOUR FAULT" objected Heero and Duo.

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW" Quatre yelled.

"COMMON SENSE IS A SENSE THAT IS NOT COMMON IN COMMON PEOPLE" Duo yelled throwing the bouquet down on the floor.  

"Okay Duo, get out of that dress, your begining to act like an unhappy bride" Trowa said, in the background we see Wufei eating a large chunk of chocolate cookie and hearing what Trowa had just said, he choked on the cookie and fell on the ground. 

"Help me" Wufei cried in a barely audible voice. 

"Okay so what are we supposed to do now?" Trowa asked.

"Someone" Wufei squeaked in the background. 

"I don't know" Quatre said, still his big blue eyes wide with worry (he's just so cute) 

"Haa-ck, ha-ck" went Wufei trying to breathe.

"Quatre, you are gonna get killed, by me" Duo said rolling up his "dresses" sleeves. 

_DING! DONG!_

"He—llpp" Wufei said, well at least tried too. 

"It was the FBI, they just gave me my nationality card" Heero said looking at the thing he held in his hands. 

"Okay, one problem down, one more to go" Trowa said. 

"Right, we'll discuss this tomorrow, after some sleep" Duo said. 

"Ac-kk" Wufei said holding his throat and twitching. 

"Oh! Wufei what are you doing" Quatre said and performed the Heimlich manoeuvre. Wufei took in large gulps pf breathe and collapsed on the floor again!

**********

_Next morning_

"BBRRRRAAAAAANNNNGGGGG!!!!" Screamed Quatre's new, improved and extra-loud alarm clock. He got up yawning and slapping the alarm clock shut.

"BBRRAAAANNNGGGG!!!" The clock screamed again. Quatre looked at it menacingly then it shut up. There is also a limit where nice guys also lose their cool you know. 

"BBRRAAANNNGG!!!!" The clock screamed again. Heero who was passing by shot it with his gun. He was in a cranky mood as he had to sleep on the sofa that night, because Duo had taken up the room and locked it. He was, before this incident sharing a room with Duo as the roof of his room had broken (courtesy of his lovely gun) and it rained so his room was wet and soggy. 

The clock fell dead, Quatre just shrugged, he was rich, and he could buy another decent clock. Besides, this one was a menace to humankind. 

Duo was still sleeping soundly. Wufei was downstairs reading the news and Trowa watching the news. Quatre came in and made his standard tea. Ahh, such a lovely morning it was. Until Wufei started teasing Heero 

"Hey Mr. Husband, did your wife kick you out of your room, WAHAHHAAHHAHA!!!" Wufei laughed, enter the Maxwell, who grabbed the nearest coffee mug and whacked Wufei's head with it. 

"Hey Quatre, isn't that the guy who was the priest on the wedding yesterday?" Trowa asked.

"Yeah, hey yeah that's him, why is he on the news?" Quatre said. 

Trowa turned on the volume to max for hem to hear. 

_And today headlines: local counterfeiter and robber caught finally yesterday as he was coming out of the local church, he is said to have been on the run from the police for a long time, posing as a person performing daily jobs to blend in with the workers so as to confuse the authorities after him. He has been currently using the position of a priest performing many weddings. This is a shock for many people who have to get married again and are complaining …………._

Trowa shut the TV off. The G-boy just stared at the blank television in awe and their dumb luck. 

"Well, al problems solved" Quatre said and went back to sipping his tea. 

"YES" Duo yelled and jumped up and down happily. Heero however wanted to be away from these crazy people, in solitude for a while. He went outside to be alone. Later, Trowa came up to him and said

"Received an e-mail from the Preventers, we have to go to Europe, just the two of us for a while, you know what that means" 

"Hnn, whatever it is mission accepted" Heero said and then went quickly to get packed. 

**********

_In Europe_

Trowa and Heero had arrived at their destination, and it seemed that they had a little conflict up ahead, so they were forced the stay in Europe a little while longer than expected. 

_KNOCK! KNOCK!_

"I'll see it" Heero said opening the door he saw three tall men wearing black suits. 

"Yes?" Heero asked them looking up. 

"FBI! We've been told that you are an illegal citizen here, you must leave this country immediately" They told Heero and left. It was déjà vu all over again!!!

~*~*~*THE END!!!~*~*~

Raven: AM I EVIL OR WHAT!!!! WAHAHAAHHAHA

J.A: A pathetic end, to a pathetic story.......-_-!You're pathetic!!!!


End file.
